Stuck, have you ever felt like that in a relationship? I believe we all have and if you are like me, mine came within the first six months of marriage. Not sure what happened, but one morning I woke up and those things that used to attract me to my wife were the very things that were annoying me.
What was I to do? I started to think that maybe I married the wrong person. I started worrying about whether I would ever feel love for her again. There I was stuck and in a sticky place. How do you even approach this project with someone…let alone your spouse?
When I was going through these feelings, I started to go back to the three questions we talked about in the Forever?! Part 2. I knew that I was certain (at least at one point) that I wanted to marry this person. I also knew that at one point I could be completely honest with her. Finally, I knew there was a portion that still wanted to pursue her – even though I was annoyed by her.
It was through this time that I realized how important pillars are in our lives. Pillars are those moments in our lives that we build to remember when we need to call upon them. For instance, our first date, our wedding day, our honeymoon, and the birth of our children. These are all pillars in my life for one reason or another, but they all help me point back to true north when my thoughts and/or feelings begin to lead me astray.
What are pillars you have created in your life to help remember the good times when things seem to going in the wrong direction?
In my life, when this was going on, I had to get back to the realization that she was the one for me. One of the pillars I had in my life was a list of the things I wanted in my life. I had a list of 186 things I wanted in my wife. Do you know how many of those things my wife had? All 186 things! This is no coincidence.
Its funny too because the things that were annoying me were the very things that used to spark my interest when we were dating. Things like her vulnerability and compassion. I used to like the fact that she was so compassionate and could cry easily. However, when we were married and got into “discussions” (aka arguments) I was annoyed by how quickly she would begin to cry.
This brings us back to the Stage 4 Awareness in the Cycles of a Relationship. I became aware that my issues were not really with my wife. My issues were within me. I didn’t like the fact that my wife cried when we were in an argument because it made me feel like the “bad guy.”
What is your experience with this thought?
Forever?! Part 2 link: https://paredmarriages.wordpress.com/2014/10/31/forever-part-2/
The Stage of Awareness link: https://paredmarriages.wordpress.com/2014/10/24/the-stage-of-awareness/