Stage 3 – The Apex Phase

Climax, it is the point on which all the anticipation comes to the forefront and is released.  This is true in all aspects of our lives; especially when it comes to relationships.  We have been pondering something and we just need to ask, so we get it out there.

The Apex Phase is the turning point from anticipation to awareness.  It is the height of those internal battles or discussions we have been having.  It is that turning point during a conflict with your spouse.  It is the “aha” moment in which something you have been thinking about comes into focus.

The Five Love Languages (Chapman, 2010) depicts five separate love languages.  Chapman expresses that everyone usually flows heavily in at least two of these languages.  The languages are…

  1. Acts of Kindness
  2. Words of Affirmation
  3. Gifts
  4. Quality Time
  5. Physical Touch

I bring these up because in our relationships we all anticipate that our spouse will automatically speak to us in our love language.  However, this is not always the case – especially if our spouse’s love language is something other than our own.  When our spouse speaks to us in our love language, we have the apex moments when we are fulfilled.  When these times happen, it moves us to the next stage – which is the awareness stage.  We will discuss this tomorrow.

When we reach the Apex Stage it can be a quick turn around to the next stage, or it could be a slow and drawn out process.  I like to correlate this stage with the oil in a car.  Every car I have owned has to lines on the dipstick for the oil.  The oil for the car needs to stay somewhere in the middle of those two lines because too much or too little oil is not good for the engine.

Our relationships need oil and we need to be careful not to add to much or too little.  Just like a car, if this happens in a relationship, it can go on for a little while.  However, it is inevitable that our car (or in this case, our relationship) will breakdown.  I have found this true in my own relationship.

If I give my wife too much of one thing, it can be bad.  If I give her too little, this can be bad as well.  I
will give you two quick examples.  The first example was my devotion of my wife in the beginning of our marriage.  I had some internal psych issues and I needed my wife in my life in order to validate myself.  However, this consuming need for my wife pushed her away.  She couldn’t understand why, but she felt tired.

The next example has to do with physical touch.  My wife gets together with a group of gals to discuss life and encourage one another.  On one particular night, as I was heading out to play basketball, I overheard them discussing the aspect that they don’t like their husbands groping particular body parts.  The next day, as I was discussing this with my wife I told her I would quit – right then and there.  Not out of a mean spirit, but to show her that she would miss it.  Guess what?!  In a few short months she began to miss my unsolicited and annoying grabbing.  She began to wonder if I still found her attractive.

What is your love language?  Are you getting just the right amount of affection?


Chapman, G. D. (2010). The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts. E. C. Newenhuyse
(Ed.). Chicago, IL: Northfield.


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